Admittedly, I am a gullible person, plus I’m a child of the 60’s, so through my late teens and twenties, I was marinated in the lore and memes of the New Age. Actually, I love being a child of the 60’s, for the late 60’s and 70’s were a wonderful time to come of age, even though we witnessed and were shaped by the tragic assassinations of JFK, Martin Luther King, and Bobby Kennedy in the short space of 5 years.

As part of my cultural inculcation, I have been exposed to, believed, and even practiced the principle of the Law of Attraction for 35 years.

Now just in case, you missed learning the Law of Attraction as part of your education, basically it states that “All forms of matter and energy are attracted to that which is of a like vibration”.

Personally, I do find the Law of Attraction to be extremely useful as a reminder that my mind does in fact have a very powerful effect on my mood, both of which affect my sense of power in the moment, and what kind of actions I am able to take.

[Except when I don’t, which is when I am mired and wallowing in my negative patterns, and I don’t want to take responsibility, for crissake, and get to a better space. No, thank you very much, I’d rather be mad or depressed and hope that someone else will come along and make things better for me. Fortunately, though not for my husband, only he is privileged enough to see this unrepentant aspect of me!]

So when the film, The Secret, came out in 2006, I initially fell hook, line, and sinker for it, and contributed to the viral phenomenon whereby the film swept the globe. Just in case it passed you by, it is a film of New Thought proponents and teachers, teaching “the secret”, in fact an ancient core of belief based on the tenets of “Ask, Believe, and Receive.”

Now the film IS and can be wonderfully inspiring at particular moments; it can offer hope, and help you press the reset button, some of the time. It can help you get unstuck and get to the next level that you are capable of.

The problem though is that faith and/or belief in The Secret isn’t going to do it for most people, it isn’t going to get them to their fullest expression of what success is for them.

For although we can learn new skills and ways of doing things, if they aren’t natural talents and strengths, we often do not use them when the moment requires us to.

Even if we’re pretty good at a lot of things, we will never get the same result, or bang for the buck, if we aren’t naturally wired for that strength, that is, if it isn’t coded into our DNA. The truth is that everything about who we are and what our potential is, is in our blueprint.

It is written, as they say.

Of course, there are a relatively few extremely gifted people who can and do practice The Secret, and have truly extraordinary success [though who knows what dark secrets lurk beneath the visible surface?].

What we’re missing in the public domain is the knowledge that our strengths are coded for in our DNA. Everything about who we are, our physical predispositions and susceptibilities, our cognitive complexity, our personality, our attention to detail, how we do or don’t take action, our emotional and neurologic sensitivity, how we make meaning about the world….you name it, it’s coded in your DNA.

So we’ve got whatever it is we’ve got, and we ain’t got what we ain’t got. And if we ain’t got it, The Secret Ain’t Gonna Allow Us To Get It, because we simply don’t have the means to do so.

[I’ve learned this the hard way more than once I'm embarrassed to say, as I invested sizable amounts of money in others’ people’s programs, who swore that if they could do it, so could we. That’s the biggest marketing swindle there is.]

Thus, the blank slate theory, the scaffolding on which The Secret rests, the theory that we can be anything we want to be, is dead. It’s kaput.

It’s a cultural meme but it’s a myth. And the longer we hold onto it, the longer we will keep running into walls, and then wondering why we’re not being as successful as we want to and as we know we could.

Why is this so?

It’s because we don’t fully know and understand our talents and strengths. A life that works is a life built around your talents and strengths, and the wisdom and strategy to understand how to maximize and optimize those.

There are loads of assessments out there to help you see and understand your talents and strengths. [Note that a strength is a combination of talent, skills, and knowledge, so many of us have talents that haven’t yet been fully developed.]

Of course, I have my favorites that I use with my clients. I love the assessment part of my work as a tool for facilitating self-knowledge, because people suddenly have all these light bulbs go off, and additionally, a new set of levers to pull in how they manage themselves and interact with the world [If of course, they really utilize the knowledge, and this is where coaching can be so useful.]

I really do think there should be an Eleventh Commandment: “KNOW THYSELF!”

If you’re curious to learn more about your talents and strengths, a great place to start is to buy yourself a copy of StrengthsFinder 2.0: A New and Upgraded Edition of the Online Test from Gallup’s Now, Discover Your Strengths , by Tom Rath. In the back of the book, there’s a code you can use to take their online assessment and get a cool report of your top five talents.

Now that I’ve been a professional coach for 10 years, a counselor and therapist for 30 years, and a seeker my whole life, I can unequivocally say that the gold does not lie in The Secret. It lies in knowing and optimizing your talents and strengths, and accepting that you can’t be everything.

What have you learned about strengths?

Medscape Psychiatry and Mental Health recently published an article on Saving Primary Care that certainly got my attention.

Trained as a primary care doc myself, I firmly believe that as a society, we’ve got our priorities screwed up and the value chain inverted. Primary care doctors are the gatekeepers and guides for how patients use the rest of the medical system, and therefore, they are the first line of defense.

The discovery of antibiotics was found to be a first line of defense, and it revolutionized the practice of medicine.  So would a robust, thriving, and reformulated practice of primary care.

Supporting and investing in primary care docs for the time they spend as PARTNERS with their patients would reap enormous benefits to everyone. The educating, guiding, coaching, and healing that can occur through a great relationship with your primary care doc should be the amongst the most highly compensated interventions, not at bottom of the heap. For those are the activities that result in people learning how to take care of themselves such that they avoid coming down with chronic, degenerative, costly diseases that over time eat up huge amounts of medical resources.

What’s emotional intelligence got to do with it? There’s got to be a fundamental shift in attitude that drives how our broken medical system is rebuilt.

Just as all of us individually need someone to give us primary care [after all, why do we seek intimate and primary relationships?], primary care practitioners should get our deepest respect, translated into status and monetary value.

[Isn't this a "duh" moment?  I mean, isn’t primary care called primary because that’s what it is? It’s PRIMARY. It’s IMPORTANT, listen up everyone! Yeah, I know I’m being repetitive and yelling, but it seems like the powers that be still don’t get it.  That's why I started Heart of Healthcare, to facilitate leaders in making these kinds of fundamental shifts.]

Healing requires compassion and empathy. And today, primary care in particular needs healing, if healing is to become a mainstay of health care. Truly, it needs resuscitation.  Soon. Healing, based in wholeness and compassionate caring, is what allows people to become healthier. Healthier people are what will drive health care costs down. I can’t make it any simpler than that, folks.

[I tell you, it really gets me, how the most important jobs in society get the lowest (or relative lowest) compensation, childcare workers, teachers, ministers of all denominations who tend to the Spirit, and primary care docs. This speaks poorly to how we measure success as a society and a culture, but this is a post for another time.]

Of course, we need the highly trained specialists who spend 12 years in training to come in as the knights in shining armor to save the day when needed [And yes, I also believe they should be well compensated.]

But when will we start to value that which society and healthcare system need to flourish – healthy people able to take care of themselves because they’ve been educated, guided, tended to, and cared for by physicians who are there specifically to provide that most fundamental connection, guidance, and education for health?

We each need someone to “stand by me”, always, always, always. Well, primary care docs are those folks in healthcare, whether they’re on active duty or on reserve. If we want them there, we need to stand by them.

And in that spirit, I invite you to take 5 minutes to watch and listen to this gorgeous video that was produced by the group “Playing For Change.” Listen to this every day, and your life will change!

How is it that the world can be SO f**ked up? That despite all the marvels and advances of humankind over the millennia, we still collectively have the moral development of a nematode?  That we don’t recognize that violence against others – when there is still room for a political solution (even if it’s only a crack in the door)- is equally a form of self-destruction?

[Forgive me if I'm being arrogant or presumptuous here, not having researched nematode culture; for all I know, they could be more evolved in how they treat each other]

Reading the Sunday NY Times this morning  [I am addicted to Frank Rich], surfing the Internet this afternoon and learning of yet another late-breaking pay-for-play scandal, and following my Twitter social network threads, is at the same time a source of never-ending interest and overwhelming in terms of the barrage of information and emotions aroused in me.

I find myself buffeted between the awesomeness and the terrible folly of the human condition, both my own and others. What’s the solution?

Compassionate dispassion.

Personally, I have to continuously learn and relearn the lesson of compassionate dispassion, or in Zen fashion, being non-attached. Being able to observe what is, be truthful about its existence, and then to let it go, releasing judgment and resistance to that which shows up.

One of my mentor guiding lights, Havi Brooks, said something brilliant in a “blogging therapy class” I just took with her which bears repeating: “Struggle creates resistance creates stuckness.”

So staying attached, which really grows out of the fact that we judge something to be good or bad, happy or sad, rather than realizing “it just is” puts us in the place of resisting it or resisting the loss of it. Either way,  that’s where we get stuck. To release judgment is compassionate, to release attachment is dispassionate.  IN order to evolve, we need both.  

While I haven’t read the book yet, one of my new Twitter friends, Kat Tansey has written what sounds to be an awesome book about this, Choosing to Be, Lessons in Living From a Feline Zen Master. I plan to get it immediately, especially since I consider my 2 beloved cats, Guy and Chloe, to be my live-in Zen masters. You can listen to a 10-minute interview about it if you want just a taste.

I hope this quick note reminds you to be compassionate and dispassionate about whatever may be showing up for you right now that’s bugging you. After all, it’s all “here today, gone tomorrow”, no matter how you look at it.

At one point on New Year’s Day, in a fit of zeal to create yet more order, I found myself lying on the floor cleaning out old wadded up Kleenex and a dense mat of cat hair that had accumulated under the bed (obviously beyond the reach of the vacuum cleaner, and yes, I am not a compulsive cleaner)

So there I was, lying on the floor, arm extended as far as possible, neck awkwardly cricked as I clawed and raked up the cat hair with my hand, compliments of Guy and Chloe, my two spoiled gorgeous long-haired cats.. Not coincidentally, as I was doing this, I was thinking about and feeling down about what I haven’t accomplished yet though have certainly intended.

I guess this habit comes from being Jewish and growing up with the significance of the ten days that begin with Rosh Hashanah, which marks the Jewish New Year, and ends with Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.

On the Day of Atonement, we seek to become at-one with ourselves and others for the ways we have missed the mark in the previous year. So it can be a time of mourning (even in small ways), giving ourselves forgiveness and seeking forgiveness from others, and subsequently, it serves as a cleansing. It is this cleansing that allows us to begin anew.

But where was I, oh yes, I was on the floor….when I realized what a great metaphor it was to be finding the floor again at this moment in the year when it is our collective obsession to think about new beginnings.

I mean it really felt good, crouching and lying in these awkward positions yet determined to clear out the gunk. Yom Kippur as the Day of At-Onement is all about paying attention to the details. [Not having a habit of yoga, but having done enough of it over the years to know, I think it’s fair to say that being on the floor like this was a kind of yoga.]

So here’s a secret of mine…I know this may sound a little weird but finding the floor is an ongoing life preoccupation of mine.

If there’s any possibility you’ve had less than perfect parenting (despite their best intentions of course), then you may have some holes in your floor or gunk (as in the form of relational, mental, emotional, energetic if not actually physical stuff) making it hard for you to find the floor.

I certainly do, and at times, I suddenly have this panicky feeling that I’ve fallen through the floor, and am quickly being swallowed up by a pit of quicksand. Now even though I’m trained as a psychiatrist (one of my many identities), I’m not sure just how many others have this particular experience, but I know I can’t be the only person who mostly always looks like I have it all together, yet inside we’re still wondering who the heck we are, or who we want to be when we grow up.  [At this point, however, I can unequivocally say that I have never wanted to think of myself as Ms. Peter Pan-nette].

My point is, that sometimes you really have to get back on the floor, clawing away the dirt, the muck, the cat hair, or whatever form of crud is keeping you from experiencing the solidity of your own floor to get back to that clarity and knowing of who you really are, your own solidity. You’ve got to get real. [I have always loved this quote from The Velveteen Rabbit]

And first, of course, you’ve got to look under the bed and to acknowledge that yes, indeedy, there is dirt [aka negativity] there - under the bed - where no one can see it but you.

In order to be a conscious human being, which has always been one of my aspirations (doubtless a legacy of being a child of the 60’s), you simply have to take the time to remember who you are, the Soul You, not the Personality-Wounded You.  And yet, at the same time, you have to acknowledge and have compassion for the Personality-Wounded You.

Connecting to the self, like vacuuming the floor including under the bed (sigh), is an ongoing discipline. It’s a mindfulness practice.

[This is kind of like going to the doctor, and being told that if you really want to feel good, you need to stop eating Kentucky Fried Chicken, stop smoking and caffeine (even if you're macrobiotic), eat lots of vegetables, and start exercising at least 3 times a week.  Now. Right. But hopefully, sooner or later, the pain of what’s not working requires us to let go of the old, accrued, gunk that keeps us from being the best we can be]

Some resistance is normal until, the new habit kicks in, and then, there’s typically a profound sense of relief and well-being that starts to feed on itself. That’s what we’re all looking for, right? More ease, more well-being, whatever those mean to you.

And of course, it’s very possible you will continue to feel resistance, and that’s okay as long as the resistance doesn’t become the habit.

Most of my clients and friends, know what practices keep them connected to who they are, that serve as their floor that supports them. For one, it’s playing her violin. For another it’s meditation and yoga. For another, it’s journaling. For me, I have come to learn that it’s exercise, meditation, and writing.

I talked in my last post about being in the flow, but to have flow, first you gotta get real and have at the floor!

I’d love to hear how you stay connected to who you are!

New Year’s resolutions…am I the only one cringing and feeling besieged by the bombardment of buzz right now about New Year’s goals and resolutions? Methinks not.

Call me a “Bah-Humbug” kind of gal, but honestly I think New Year’s resolutions are an overblown contrivance. Which is NOT to say that contrivances aren’t useful and necessary at times; for they most certainly can help us get unstuck or over a seeming obstacle. They can and do offer us a way to begin anew. And I have many a time looked for a contrivance that would work, what’s not to like about that?

But I digress…..My point really is that New Years resolutions are a contrivance. After all, every day IS the first day of the rest of your life. And if we lived with that awareness in the forefront of our consciousness every day, how different would our lives be? How different would my life be? Actually living with that awareness alone would wipe out most of my experience of regret (well, okay, there’d still be mistakes which are a great trigger for regret but at least we wouldn’t be regretting all the things we still haven’t done).

As Yoda says, “there is no try, there is only do or not do.”

The question for those of us who are not goal-driven such as yours truly (and yes, it’s okay, there are many of us who are not motivated by goals…..) is “What allows us to do?”

This is the other thing that bugs me about New Year’s resolutions - they do not acknowledge the organicity of how life unfolds. Take-away #1.

At least for this one, beneath my rational, high-achiever, over-educated mind, there is in fact an organicity to how life unfolds which often defies goals and resolutions, and which in retrospect, I can see is in tune with the soul lessons I am here to learn. I observe this to be true as well for others who entrust me with witnessing their journeys.

I find following the organicity requires a keen listening to the inner voice, which can be hard to discern if there’s a lot of inner and/or outer noise. [Yep, that’s another good reason to have some kind of meditation practice; hmmm, another resolution I haven’t yet sustained but as I write this, I can sense a new motivation and purpose, even attraction, to meditating]

Doing ultimately grows out of the ability to listen to that low-pitched internal humming, quietly but steadily, just waiting for us to recognize when it’s time for that background thrumming to become a compelling drumbeat that we can no longer resist. Then, it’s as if we wake up one day and boom! We’re motivated to take a new action.

As much as I don’t love setting goals, I do love holding intentions.

Take-away #2: Intentions really do it for me because I find them to be much more resonant with the organic rhythm of life, and easy on the conscience to boot. Because we never know long an intention can take to manifest, there’s less potential for guilt. Note, I say less potential. For those of us who have a strong inner Judge, we can most certainly also judge ourselves for how long it can take an intention to manifest (this is when I get to hear the “what’s wrong with you that you can’t figure this out?” endless loop tape).

Take-away #3: Judgment only gets in the way of fulfilling intentions.

But when we invest intentions with positive attention and energy, then synchronicities occur. You know, those apparent coincidences that support a sense of forward movement. I love the fact that there’s actually a part of the brain – the Reticular Activating System – that selects information from our environment based on what we’re telling ourselves is important. That’s why affirmations are so cool – they provide a different endless loop tape in our heads that feed intention rather than the negative self-talk that derails us.

So as I cross the threshold into 2009, I am going to go with intentions, listening to the inner voice, and paying attention to and truly honoring what’s resonant for me (not just giving it lip service).

And what’s my main intention? To let go of judgment. For many years, I’ve worked on letting go of my judgment of others (and I ain’t perfect no-way); now it’s time to focus on me, letting go of my judgments on me.

What’s the biggie I’ve been noticing? “Why is it taking so damn long to become all of who I am? See, that proves it, you’re a FAILURE” (Wait, wait, don’t I always tell my clients “that’s why you’re given a lifetime?”<blushing>)

And in addition to listening to and for the inner humming, I am going to practice hearing the inner chimes, those early warning signs that signal something is awry, not feeling right, not in alignment. I know the times I’ve not paid attention to those inner chimes have brought some painful lessons.

Intending…I think this flow can carry me into 2009. This is where I wish to apply my resolve for there are results awaiting just around the corner. (HAH, I know, you were thinking, she’s missing something here – what about RESULTS?)

Envision result, intend, listen for humming and chimes, resonate, attend to, release mistake if necessary, learn, refocus intention, breathe, stay in the flow, don’t push the river…..2009 here I come.

(Whew, this ended up being much longer than I intendedL, but sometimes you’ve got to sift through the sand to find the gold nuggets).

How do you begin anew?

Prologue: I figure that if Barack Obama could get himself elected, surely I could start a blog, something I doubted I would ever do one short year ago. But today the world, and we are different.

I just came across the book, Spiritual Economics, by Eric Butterworth (and reviewed by Brian Johnson of Philosophers Notes) which provides a wonderful frame for thinking about the mindset that President-elect Obama’s administration ushers in.

“Prosperity comes for the Latin root which translates literally ‘according to hope’ or ‘to go forward hopefully’.  Thus it is not so much a condition in life as an attitude toward life. The truly prosperous person is what psychologist, Rollo May, calls ‘the fully functioning person.” (Eric Butterworth, Spiritual Economics)

With the dawning of a new era in American and world history following the election of President-elect  Obama, we usher in a time of and for prosperity.  If there’s one thing Barack Obama offered us from the beginning of his campaign, it was the promise of prosperity through the affirmation and practice of hope.

I agree with Rollo May that a person - and a nation- without hope are not fully functioning. In terms of the immense human talent and capital seen in every swath of our society, the United States has not been fully functional in realizing its potential since its inception.  Spiritual economics, based in hope and prosperity for all, must and will undergird the recovery of our economy from one of fear, greed, and predatory practices to a new understanding of a truly fully functioning economy, sustained by fully functioning persons.

My intent for this blog is that it become part of the conversation on how we can create prosperity and optimal health, a la “full functioning”, for individuals, groups, organizations, and the planet.

Today, I feel prosperous in a whole new way, a way in which anything is indeed possible. How about you?